Once upon a time,
There was a dog the size of an oven mitt. He was a small gray dog with brown spots named Arthur.
His master had named him Eddie. I don't know who named the spots.
One fine spring day, while searching for another place to pee, Eddie discovered some loose bricks in a retaining wall which he had never seen before. Being a curious and energetic doggie, he proceeded to rip the bricks from the wall with his teeth.
Once the last brick was out and the dust had settled, he saw a deep black cavern boring back into the side of the hill farther than his little monochromatic doggie-eyes could see. He sniffed the air instinctively, but only detected a faint odor of squirrel, and something... unfamiliar.
He inched his way into the cavern. After only a few feet he trotted back to the grassy area outside the wall and sat for a moment collecting his thought.
He was concerned about the sun going down. The sky was reddening and he feared complete blackness might come while he was down this unknown and already dark hole.
But steeling his canine courage, and taking a good whiff of his own asshole, he forced himself to move onward.
After about 700 feet in complete darkness, his right forepaw dropped out from under him. He felt a sharp pain in his snout as his pooch-face hit what felt like concrete. He feared, for a moment, he was falling off the edge of a precipice. He skittered with all of his other legs to to keep from falling over the edge. But he soon realized his leg was merely down a hole.
He yanked his way up. And felt around for a solid piece of ground on which to place his formerly dangling leg. He laid down for a few moments and waited for the soreness in his neck and jaw to subside.
Just then he felt a breeze blowing from above him. He wished for a moment that he could be like a lightning bug and light his ass up. He wondered what could be above him. Was it a hole, another passageway? Was there some creature above him breathing on him?
As a puppy, he heard many tales of dog-eating creatures that lurked in hidden caverns, behind shoddily built brick walls, just waiting for foolish dogs to open up the passageway and walk in. No wait, he never heard that. He just thought of that right now. Perhaps he should just leave.
Getting up to leave, he bashed his head on the wall, he didn't think was there. The truth descended upon him like molten plastic rain. As he skittered with his leg in the whole he must've turned. He didn't know how much he turned. in this darkness, though he could tell where the two walls were, he had no way to know which direction was back where he came, and which was going to lead him deeper into the scary hole.
...to be continued
I only needed one character, but I always make a lot of them so I can pick and choose and recombine and so on. It's pretty standard way of working for art design.
In any case the bottom left was the one that I decided to go with. But the bottom right was so interesting to me, and suggested many interesting behaviors, that I will use two characters.
Needless to say the last one will likely be either serious or annoyed all the time. He's going to be very funny.
I will drop updates here as the design progresses. As the 3D models are made and tests are rendered they will be here too.
You can click on the image to see it larger.
This is my second render test with cycles and blender on my new machine.
In this one I was also learning how to make and animate fur.
This is important because my upcoming short will have a furry character in it.
Let me know what, if anything, you think of it.
I recently custom built a linux based machine specifically made to run blender.
It has a 3.3 GHZ quad core processor and a Nvidia GeForce 750 ti graphics card.
This is the first video I made with it.
Let me know what you think.
Future posts will be more advanced animations and tests for my up coming short film "Public Service Announcement"
I put this here so I can find it. I hope you like it. This reminds me that I haven't done any animation for a while.
I need to get back to it. I have about ten unfinished projects right now.
The first one I do will very likely be "Public Service Announcement". I already posted some of the pre-production art from that on this blog.
Somewhere in the move from my old host the image got lost. But I recently found the original drawing. (on apaer!)
I will rescan it and put it back up here soon.
I often doodle by looking at other people's artwork and half-assedly try to copy it. In this case I was looking at Bernie Wrightson's stuff and I think this panel was in a "Creepy" issue. The title of the story is "Jenifer". Yes, I spelled that correctly. Go look it up.
It's a cool story. I have the original "Creepy" in which it appeared. It has been made into a live action story on the horror series "Masters Of Horror". It has also been reprinted in Dark Horse's hardcover book "Creepy Presents: The Best Of Bernie Wrightson". (Which I also have)
After drawing this in pencil, I scanned it. Then I turned the pencil lines into "ink" by fiddling with the contrast. I cleaned it up a bit, then painted it, all done in Photoshop.
I am not putting it here because I think it's great. I am putting it here because I could.
This is just a thumbnail. If you click on it it will open up the full size image. This image is much larger than the original drawing actually was.
There is an old expression which states, "you can't get blood from a stone. "
This is a true statement of course. But oddly it needs to be said. And it seems to need saying an awful lot.
My concern is for the general level of intelligence in the United States. If this is being said so often, it must be because so many people are not aware of it. I have no idea if they are merely asking the question or if people actually catch them trying to phlebotomize stones. Either way, it is obviously not as common a piece of knowledge as I thought it should have been.
This got me thinking. How many other things which I think are "obvious" are really not widely known? So as a public service I have decided to list things you cannot get from other things.
- You can't get earwax from a golf club.
- You can't get chocolate milk from a sniper rifle.
- You can't get corn oil from a mattress
- You can't get silly putty from a lemur
- You can't get self-esteem from an artichoke
- You can't get fingernail polish from a doorknob
- you can't get bat-shit from a wolverine
- You can't get orange juice from a tap shoe
- You can't get down from an elephant.
- You cant get a coupe De ville from a cracker jack box.
- You can't get your money back from an orangutan. Never loan them any. They are truly orange motherfuckers. Any time one of these fuckers asks to "borrow" anything you had better resign yourself to never getting it back.
And don't think that you can just refuse to give it to them, because they are fully capable of ripping your heart from your chest and showing it to you before you die. The are strong and fast. And if being dead and heartless isn't bad enough for you, they will pee on your body. and they'll get whatever they asked for any way.
So don't be stupid. If an orangutan asks for something, give it to them. Don't even act begrudgingly about it. These fuckers are seriously on a hair-trigger. Every single one of them is like a fucking borderline psychotic, but with superhuman strength and a body full of scraggly orange hair. Seriously these fuckers are goddamned ugly. That shit isn't even fur. It's hair. Nasty, clumpy, stinky, never-washed hair. They're ugly, smelly, hairy, and aware of it. And that makes them real fucking angry with nothing to lose.
Oh, and they're short too. Just don't fuck with them.
but I digress...
We were talking about things you can't get from other things. There are also many things you can't do with other things, such as. You can't teach pigs to sing. You can't make horses drink. You can't get spiders to do your laundry.
You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear. But you can't make one from a plate of spaghetti either. And why would you even want one? Silk is a very delicate material. if you get it wet, it's ruined. If you snag it on anything it's ruined. In fact, I've never even seen a silk purse. I don't know if anyone has ever made one out of anything.
But I will bet you that no one ever actually tried to make one from a sow's ear. That seems like the sort of thing that people just accept because it sounds good, but they don't test it. It's like saying you can't mix kool-aid in a metal container. I will admit I have never tried it, because I always assumed that it would cause a violent chemical reaction that would result in serious injury. Or it would produce a toxic form of kool-aid that has no known treatment, and takes weeks to kill you all the while torturing you with horrid abdominal cramps and profuse sweating. I would also imagine there might be unpleasant hallucinations involved. In any case, I have never tried it. But, like most people, I pass on the important "rule" that you should never do it, even though I don't know why.
But again, I digress...
Back to the pig thing. The actual expression is that you should never try to teach a pig to sing, because it wastes your time and annoys the pig. SO if we grant that the pig will never sing, at least this does give us some insight into pig psychology. Namely, that the act of teaching the pig to sing, will annoy it.
The question is why. Why would trying to teach singing to a pig annoy it so much? Is the cause of the annoyance the subject of the lesson? For example would a pig be as annoyed if you were trying to teach it needle point? Is the pig annoyed because it knows it can't sing? Is it just expressing it's porcine frustration at it's knowledge of it's own limitations? Could the pig actually be masking it's true distress, which is fear of disappointing you?
If that's the case then should the expression be changed to "Never try to teach a pig to sing. Unless your goal is to emotionally scar the pig. In which case your soul will be permanently darkened by the act." Although that phrasing, though more accurate, is not as catchy or amusing. Although I think animal cruelty is no cause for amusement, unless it involves open flames.
A few nights ago I was playing around with my penis or stapling kittens to the floor or something. I was bored. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a giant fucking evil bug, right on my goddam screen.
Since I have a cool camera laying here I decided to snap a photo of it.
I have placed it here so that you may use it for all your giant bug picture needs. If you make money with it we need to talk. But, barring that, you can do whatever you want with it.